Friday, May 20, 2011

I'm Apparently a Werewolf

In order for this story to make sense, I must share some background information:

Firstly, I have a tattoo on my right shoulder:
Secondly, at the time I was nearing the end of my senior year at Jack C. Hays High School, in that place in Texas where they have Cabela's and the Weiner Dog Races (Buda, which is pronounced "byoo-duh") . The important part of that was that I was in Texas, where the standardized test is the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills, or TAKS. 

And now we begin the "story" part of the story.

It was TAKS week, and as a proud (cough cough) member of the senior class of 2010, I was not required to take any such test, because I had passed the exit level test during the previous year. One would think that because we have nothing of relevance to do, since the rest of the school is occupied with testing, we would not attend the classes that had been swallowed by the testing periods...but no. 

No, the school decided that instead we get to participate in a bunch of workshops led by various senior teachers who also have nothing to do, which could be about whatever the hell the teachers want on account of there not being a purpose to any of this shit. We were sectioned off into groups of about 20-30 students, as per the normal classroom size, and over the course of the week we shuffled from classroom to classroom in the technology building hearing whatever arbitrary speech the teacher we had been assigned to had to offer.

There was one student with whom I had the good fortune to be lumped together with, who we will call Zorastro Zauberflote (an obviously fake name, but I'm not mean). 

So Zorastro, glimpsing my Tattoo one day, decided to lean forward and whisper to me "I know what you are." 

Now, I reacted the same way any rational person would:

And of course he elaborated, sensing what he perceived to be my calculated facade of confusion, in the following fashion:

Now, of course I thought this guy had to be joking, because, you know, who in their right mind accuses someone randomly of being a werewolf and actually means it...right? I mean, I'm a pagan, and believe in monsters and fairy tales and shit to an entirely non-crazy degree, but do I think people with tribal dog tattoos on their shoulders are WEREWOLVES? No. That's just retarded. I thought maybe he was shooting for some sort of euphemism about animal worship or something, though that would have been a stretch...but no...he meant like...turn-into-a-wolf-monster-and-eat-people werewolf.

So, after about ten minutes of the conversation continuing in this fashion, when I finally did realize what he meant, I began to spiral into a horrible depression which was contained to the span of about four seconds. I started to explain to him very calmly that his assessment of my existence was "completely, utterly and undeniably the thinking of the most retarded individual on the face of the planet."

...but he persisted...

(**note: everything in the following picture but having eyes was actually a reason provided for my werewolf-ness)
...and he just...kept going....
...he was really beginning to try my patience...

So naturally, I responded in the way only a reasonable, level headed person could, before the situation got any further out of hand than it had to.


No...I led him to a rational dialogue on what precisely was wrong with his theory and what was up with all those things he mentioned....

....Happily ever after...:D

So that's the time I was legitimately accused of being a werewolf. I hope you found it entertaining.

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