Monday, August 29, 2011

Insomnia Be a Cruel, Cold and Calculating Bitch.

So, I am supposed to be waking up at 8:30 this morning. Well, it's 5AM and I have yet to doze off. I've tried several times.

When I say "several times," I mean most people probably would have killed themselves by this point.

Here's what's going to happen here. I'm going to complain and bitch about stuff and hopefully it will wind up being funny, as I was reading my last few blogs and realizing that they actually weren't that funny (herein begineth the bitching), and this is mostly because I sat down and was like "I'm going to write about something that is indeed the essence of hilarity."


Here's what actually happened: *panics and vomits on the keyboard with such force that words happen*

So, it appears that today I will be existing solely through the almighty power of Five Hour Energy. This is a habit that I developed last semester, so why the hell wouldn't I continue it during this one? I figure I'll down it as soon as I get on the bus from the stadium parking lot.

...So you guys remember that 365 photo thing I was supposed to be doing? Well, I abandoned posting on here every day around like day 3, and then I abandoned actually doing the whole bloody goddamned thing at day 29.

Sigh, this post is turning out to be a miserable failure. I would probably be funnier if I started talking about giant babies spewing fireballs at squirrels or some random and contrived thing like that.

Well, I have a couple of other actually cohesive blog ideas that I could be working on I guess. I suppose I'll go and put those into gear instead of continuing to vomit boring all over the collective screen of the internet.

If you'd like, you can imagine me disappearing in a puff of smoke, or turning into a swarm of palm-sized gnomes or something.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Car Trouble

I found this blog while rifling through my drafts. It's from a month or two ago. 

So, my friend...must think of name...Dina? Sure. Dina.

So my friend Dina was over last night. It was pretty epic.

First my truck ran out of gas on the highway and we had to eat the food we had picked up from that Vietnamese place in the Kyle Parkway while we were waiting for my uncle to bring us a gas can because the smell was causing our stomachs to make noises similar to some sort of hog-beast.

And then when my uncle finally arrived, I could totally tell he was trying to determine in his mind if Dina and I were fucking or not (we're not, we're like siblings, it would be incestuous.)

It went on like this forever. I tried to make it less awkward by telling Dina about that time my uncle had to pull another friend of mine's car out of the ditch by our house...but it just lapsed into more silence as my uncle failed to make the gas can work for like fifteen minutes. Eventually he got it to work, and I was absolutely certain that my uncle had determined that Dina and I were fucking. It was mortifying.

After that we got to my house with a couple of bags of candy and some sugary beverages we had picked up at the Sac N Pac that was in our path on the way home.

At this point we kind of plopped down on my bed/couch and put South Park on Netflix while eating our candy.

Suddenly, Dina's eyes lit up with wonder and amusement, and this creepy smile cracked across her face.

And then the following  photographs were born:

After we finished with all that we started throwing Gummybears at each other's mouths, trying to get them inside...and then we incorporated Sourpatch Kids later.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Hair Cut and Coming Up With Topics is Hard

So, I cut off most of my hair last night. It was pretty brutal.

This is a super fail attempt at illustrating what I am now working with, after having my grandma clean up the huge mess I made

I really thought I would be able to stretch that into a full blown post, but I really can't.
Honestly, the reason I haven't been posting that often is because I often find myself sitting in front of the "new post" page trying to think of something to post.

Honestly, I feel like I'm under tremendous pressure to keep my readers (all 3 of you) satisfied with my ramblings and whimsical drawings.

Holy crap!

I just had an idea! Another post will follow this one! ...!!!111ONE111!!!!ELEVENTYONE